How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
