I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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