We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
