Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
