mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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