She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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