I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
