either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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