You're my little dorito
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
