i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want a musical about memes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
