Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
