you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
