Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize