So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
