i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
