after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
