I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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