the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
