i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
