So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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