So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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