i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
