I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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