He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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