Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
