Umm I'm too high to move.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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