I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
