:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
