There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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