I faked an abortion last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
