i don't like sucking hair
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
