I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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