I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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