wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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