Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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