Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
