I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
