I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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