So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
love makes seman taste better
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
