My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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