i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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