I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
