you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
