and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
