We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
