I think I died a long time ago.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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