i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
