The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
