there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
