I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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