if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
