Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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