And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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