How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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