Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
