Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
