Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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