can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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