I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We need to get me chipped asap
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
