I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
