can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
