omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
