I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
