the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
