Buhtt sex?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
