Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
