where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
