Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
