Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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