so explain again why im purple
no
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
