I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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