i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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