Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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