Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
