Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
