i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
