she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
