I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
COCAINE IS GR8
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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