I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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