I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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