Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You ate ashes out of my bong
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
