Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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