I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize