Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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