omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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